


Will It Ever Get Better?

by Storyflight



Series: Honeythief [3]
Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Homophobia, Hurt No Comfort, IN THE FIRST CHAPTER THERE IS THAT, Loss of Parent(s), Me just...screaming, Mentions of Cancer, Misgendering, Nonbinary Amami Rantaro, Other, Panic Attacks, Past Character Death, Projection in the second chapter, Second is just crying, Shuichi has bad parents Im sorry, Trans Saihara Shuichi, Transphobia, deadnaming, vent - Freeform, yea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-03-29 12:07:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19019617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Storyflight/pseuds/Storyflight
Summary: "I do not want to talk about this anymore. At the moment, Rantaro needs help with this crucial moment in their life. I need no distractions or mishaps that messes with my intention. I do not have time to talk to you broken records. So—“Shuichi pointed away from the kitchen, directly where everyone else was residing.“You either stay here and give your condolences to the Amami family or leave our house”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note:  
> Shuichi is deadnamed and misgendered by his parents. The said deadname is there unlike the previous fic.
> 
> Also, expect more of this series because I'm so fckn stressed and this is my only way to cope

**13 MAY**

 

Everyday someone came over. Today was Monday, Rantaro’s Mother passed Wednesday, and there’s been company from family and friends each day.

 

Now everyone gravitated towards Shuichi and Rantaro’s place. They had a decent sized place and able to have many visitors, but it’s so draining.

 

Shuichi is trying his best to be a good host. Rantaro improves a little each day but not enough to be very social. He was an introvert, this wasn’t his strong suit.

 

“Big Brother Shuichi!!”

The poor detective was tackled down by twelve girls. It was enough to push him down on the couch and gained several hugs from them.

Rantaro’s sisters….in order from oldest (16) to youngest (5)...Kawa, Ahmya, Onpu, Eloise, Dana, Marienette, Connie, Momoko, María, Elizabeth, Lilly, and Margaret.

 

“H-Hey girls! You know I’m not...your Big Brother”

“Yes, you are!” Momoko huffed, “You are Rantaro’s husband, therefore you are our Big Brother!”

 

“I’m not...their husband”

“Soon you will be!”

 

 _How many of them really want us to get married?_ It’s such a nice thought, a very nice thought, but he was sure they were not ready.

 

_We have been together for quite some time...living together since we graduated...what am I waiting for? Oh, the confidence._

_Then several other things..._

 

Shuichi glanced over at Rantaro. They were having a conversation with their father with some laughs here and there. Shuichi was not expecting that from the two, they were never in the best terms, it’s nice that they’re having a better conversation right now.

 

_It’s probably because they lost someone so dear and finally starting to get along. At least for this moment._

 

Rantaro wanted to get along with their father, but it was difficult. He had issues with them being Nonbinary for a while, same with being in a relationship with Shuichi. He tolerated it months later.

 

The Detective could sense their judgemental stares every time he would visit them in the past.

 

_He’s better than my own father...I can admit that. He at least respects me._

 

“Hey, Shuichi, how's the Detective Agency?!” Onpu asked.

“It’s alright. I told them that I can’t be there all the time because I have to make sure Rantaro is alright”

“You’re such a great husband!! You guys will be together forever!!”

 

_Not their husband…_

 

The Amami sisters are a delight to be around though. Despite him feeling uncomfortable with being touched and hugged, he can deal with them right now.

 

Along with their sisters and father, Rantaro’s Aunt Delilah, grandparents on their mom’s side, and cousins were here. Most of them had their own conversations or would be eating anything that’s around. _Please_ eat it all, there’s so much food here. Shuichi has gained so much weight from the food, meanwhile, Rantaro has been having a hard time eating and lost weight.

 

_Knock knock knock._

 

“I got it!” Shuichi got up from the couch and headed over to the door. All of Rantaro's sisters followed just like ducklings.

 

“Who’s here?”

“Is it one of their friends?”

“Maybe it’s one of Mommy’s friends…”

There was a sad tone in Momoko’s voice.

 

_They’re so young. I...I’m so sorry_

 

“Maybe it’s one of them,” Shuichi told them. He opened the door and gave a small greeting to the visitors.

 

He wished to take the greeting back.

 

The visitors were Shuichi’s damn parents; Shiro and Kyo.

 

“Hello!” Kawa greeted, “Who are they, Shuichi?”

“My parents” He’s trying so hard not to groan after his answer and gave her a pained smile. They never met them, only his uncle and wife. Matter of fact, he never mentioned them to anyone unless someone brought it up.

 

There’s no point in talking about them.

 

_Just stay calm and not provoke them. Do not provoke me either, please._

 

“Hello,” he repeated.

“Greetings, Ayano”

 

_Provoked._

 

“Is that your middle name?” Elizabeth asked. That’s a whole different can of worms he wished to not open. Shuichi knew that they would be okay with it and keep going with their lives, but _he really wishes not to replay the moment from the family reunion._

 

Even though he really doesn’t want to, he let his parents in. If he was able to, Shuichi would gently shut the door and leave.

 

_Have to be nice._

 

They had some cards and a plate of food with them. _Please stop bringing food._

No one is going to eat it and it’ll be wasted. It was only some fruit, they should be able to eat it.

 

“Where is Rantaro?”

“They’re talking to their Dad right now...I can take the food for you”

His mother, Kyo, shook her head. “We got it, but thank you Ayano”

 

Shuichi was trying his best to maintain his composure. Right now, he’s doing really well.

 

_How are you saying that name so calmly and smoothly?! Can you slip up and accidentally say Shuichi at least once?! It’s been years!_

 

“Hey! Shuichi! Can we go look at the photo album?! From all of your travels with Rantaro?” Ahmya gave his shirt an impatient tug.

“Sure, it’s by the TV. I have to go do something right now, just be careful with it”

 

Everyone agreed and left.

“Follow me!”

“Nooo! Follow me!”

“Be c-careful!!”

 

As much as he didn’t want to, Shuichi needed to go talk to his parents. They talked to Rantaro’s Mother from time to time, but never truly close.

 

The chattering in the background died down as they headed to the kitchen. It displayed all the food people brought and then more that came from the Amami family. His parents dropped their food off in the crowded counter and focused their attention on Shuichi.

 

He doesn’t want to talk to them…

Can’t they just go?

 

“Great kids, aren’t they? Those are Rantaro’s sisters” he wanted to have the conversation go somewhere else before one of the three in the kitchen snaps. Shiro gave him a small nod.

 

“They’re nice kids. Rantaro has a really big family”

“T-They do…When I went over their grandparents the other day, everyone was there. I really like them, they’re fairly nice to me as well”

 

Take the hint, Shiro and Kyo.

 

“Enough of that. How have you been holding up with her death?”

 

Why are they asking about him?

“....I don’t matter, at least my feelings. Rantaro is the one you should be worried about”

“How is he handling it?”

“ _They_ get a little better each day...but I cannot give you a fixed answer”

 

_I think they’re getting worse…_

_I won’t go into detail._

 

Kyo and Shiro looked at one another, then back at their son.

 

“Now that’s settled, we wanted to talk about the scene you made when the whole family was together. It was absolutely embarrassing, Ayano”

 

“Embarrassing?!” Shuichi felt his body tense up “Father, I was not the one talking about my sexuality or identity, I never even mentioned it unless asked! All of you were talking about me...no, you were gossiping about me! No one asked you to!”

 

“Because you’re—“

 

“I’m still talking” he growled, “Why would I stay if everyone there deadnamed and misgendered me? I was so happy when my cousins were around and completely okay with who I am….then all of that happened. Don’t make yourselves the victim, do not say it’s my fault”

 

“Your name is Ayano Shuichi and you _are_ female! It’s basic science! You were born a girl, you are a girl”

 

“My name is NOT Ayano! I’m Shuichi Saihara! I’m a Male! For the last time! Everyone else understands! My cousins, my friends, Ryusei, Amami’s family, and then all of you fucking _don’t!_ It’s so damn simple! Shuichi! My name is _Shuichi_! Can you at least do that?!”

 

Five years and they still haven’t accepted it. Five years and no one in the family can’t even respect it.

Five years ago he felt truly comfortable with himself. He went into Hope’s Peak as Shuichi. When people asked, he explained, and they were okay.

For some, it took a while and then understood what he meant.

 

Then there’s his family.

 

“Sorry...I get it...You’re upset that I became something you disapproved of. You had a daughter but now you don’t, that can be overwhelming to some. But guess what? I am a great detective, everyone loves me in the Agency, and I have the best partner...who really needs me right now. I don’t want you guys to bring me down because you want to stay things that bring me back to the days when I wanted to die”

 

Kyo was a little startled.

“You—“

“It’s long gone now. I stopped hurting myself about two years ago. I do not want to talk about this anymore. At the moment, Rantaro needs help with this crucial moment in their life. I need no distractions or mishaps that messes with my intention. I do not have time to talk to you broken records. So—“

 

Shuichi pointed away from the kitchen, directly where everyone else was residing.

 

“You either stay here and give your condolences to the Amami family or _leave_ our house”

 

Before there was any sort of response, a harsh silence entered the kitchen. The tension between his parents grew worse as the three stood there, nothing but lack of acceptance and flooding _denial._ How could they?! At a time like this too?! Did they come for Rantaro or to ridicule Shuichi?!

 

Kyo and Shiro then walked over to the main room where everyone was, not saying another word. Shuichi stayed silent as well.

If he said anything right now, he would start crying.

 

Holding back tears was an ability he gained after dealing with too much and being around people. It was very painful, it always made his chest hurt and tremble from everything welled up. If it gets too much, Shuichi implodes and becomes a total wreck. He’s currently avoiding that and doing a decent job with it.

Keyword: Decent

 

Shuichi didn’t go back yet. He started to eat some of the food, mainly sweets. He was not a fan of eating a lot of sweet foods, but it made him feel a little better.

 

 _Fuck this…_ it was barely visible in his appearance that he’s gaining weight. He doesn’t want it to go too far.

 

“Brother Shuichi!!!” Kawa called out, “Are you coming back? We miss you!!”

“Oh! Uh…” Shuichi rolled his shoulders back.

“Y-Yea!”

 

———

 

Exhausting.

Shuichi was so tired. He put on his night clothes and collapsed on top of Rantaro.

 

“H-Hey!”

“...Hey”

 

They stayed for a solid five hours. It was filled with conversations, playing games, and comforting one another. Rantaro and their Dad had a pleasant talk, Shuichi kept the Amami sisters entertained, and his parents were...sort of there.

 

They talked to Rantaro and their father. Shuichi had no idea what the talk was about, but he was afraid it didn’t end pretty.

 

“Sleepy Kitty? Do you want to move to the bed?”

“Nooo…” Shuichi nuzzled their neck, “Can we...stay here?”

“Yea...are you okay? Is something the matter? Your….parents talked to me, by the way”

 

Shuichi felt his irritation rise.

 

“They...said their condolences. It was awkward, they were never the biggest fan of me”

“They’re missing out” Shuichi lifted himself up and left a quick kiss on their lips. Rantaro leaves forward and kissed him in return.

 

He felt tingly from this one, something a little more intimate than recent kisses. They haven’t had any sexual interactions in the past couple of months before chaos ensued.

 

_Cannot think that._

 

He wanted it, he wanted to be intimate with Rantaro again. He loved them so much and wanted to show that.

But will it be a bad idea? Will it be insensitive if he asked for it during a time like this?

 

It shouldn’t be bad, it wasn’t for a negative reason. It was for love and nothing else.

 

The longer they kissed, the more he desired it. Shuichi broke the kiss before his feelings flared. He held back a whimper and gently wiped his lips.

 

He wanted to keep kissing them…

 

“...Sorry, continue what you were saying?”

“They...well...I don’t know. They started talking about you and me...something about us being...confusing? Then going on that our kids? We don’t _have_ any kids?”

 

“I don’t know what’s with them and wanting us to have kids”

 

“... _Do_ you want kids?”

 

“Eh—“

Shuichi averted his gaze. The thought of being a father was such a scary yet delightful thought. Whether they adopt or not, he enjoyed a future with raising a family. But…

 

“It’s a...nice thought, maybe one day...just not anytime soon”

“Yeah, me too” Rantaro pulled him closer to their chest.

 

This was nice.

He closed his eyes and fell asleep listening to their heartbeat.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What happened the other day…?” They muttered to themselves. There was something wrong.
> 
> “People came over, Shuichi’s parents were there...my father...sister’s Delilah...oh”
> 
> Everything settled in.
> 
> Nothing was a dream, everything happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahahaha, here is the projection chapter!!

**15 MAY**

Rantaro woke up with a lump in their throat.

 

_ Where am I?! _

 

They remembered being back inside their grandparent’s house and hearing the news about their mother passing.

 

When was that again?

Did it happen?

 

Rantaro blinked a couple of times and observed their surroundings. They were home, sun still absent from the sky, and Shuichi was passed out on their chest.

 

He was a pretty light sleeper, although this time his rest was deeper than most. It was similar to when someone cried their eyes out and then pass out. Shuichi was not crying before they went to sleep, last time they checked.

 

_ Everything is okay! _

 

All of it was a dream, right? Their mother was still in the hospital and Shuichi would have to leave to see his family soon.

 

Why does it feel odd?

Why is the heavy feeling still there?

Maybe they needed to go to the bathroom.

 

Very carefully, Rantaro slipped Shuichi off of them. He let out a couple of mutters and grunts but stayed asleep.

 

“Good…” They gently brushed some of his hair off of his face and headed to the bathroom.

 

_ Maybe I need to shower or wash my face. _

_ What’s wrong with me? Why do I still feel so heavy? _

 

“What happened the other day…?” They muttered to themselves. There was something wrong.

Rantaro stared at themselves in the mirror. Nothing physically was wrong with them, all was normal and still intact. Hair is a mess because of sleeping, clothes a little wrinkled, and eyes swamped with drowsiness.

 

“Backtrack...People came over, Shuichi’s parents were there...my father...sister’s Delilah...oh”

 

Everything settled in.

Nothing was a dream, everything happened.

 

Shuichi’s parents came over and disrespected him. Their father was there and they talked. Their sisters were around and spent most of their time with Shuichi.

 

They were all there because of the death of Rantaro’s mother. Family members from all over visited them. It was either Rantaro’s place, Father’s, or Grandparent’s.

 

Hands made its way to the edge of the sink, trembling so bad that they lost their grip several times. Rantaro’s Mother was dead, cancer told her away from everyone last week. She’s no longer here with anyone. She will never be able to see the rest of her children graduate, grow old with her husband, be at their wedding, see her possible grandchildren from her kids…

 

None of that.

 

They started coughing. Rantaro didn’t realise that they broke into a heavy sob and could barely breathe. It felt all too similar to when they were told the news.  
_She's dead._  


 

This was unbelievable. They couldn’t believe it no matter how hard they tried. 

 

She’s still in the hospital. _She’s still in the hospital._ She’s going to get worse before she gets better. She’s okay, _she will be okay._ Her Cancer may have returned, but it was small and curable.

 

Everything going on was minor side effects of breast cancer.

She’s going to be okay.

 

“A-ACH!”

Rantaro’s legs gave out and they collapsed on the cold ground. There was no point in getting up right now.

They sat their, head going crazy and crying harder.

 

She’s going to be okay.

**_She’s dead._ **

She’s going to be at the hospital for another week.

**_She’s never going to be seen again._ **

She’s going to have a hard time walking, but will recover.

**_She’s gone._ **

  
  


“A-Ah...Ach...Aaahh” their breathing grew shallow, close to impossible to regain themselves. Rantaro hugged themselves tight, nails digging deep into their sides to the point it grew painful.

 

_ This isn’t fucking fair. _

 

They shut their eyes and bit down on their tongue. Rantaro was trying their best not to scream.  
The last thing they needed was to wake up Shuichi. He will then grow worried and upset about the situation.

 

“...I will anyway…” they breathed, “I will, I know I will”

 

_ At this rate, nothing good will happen anymore. If Shuichi just decided to leave me, I wouldn’t be surprised. _

 

Way too many negative thoughts planted inside their brain. One by one, new scenarios sprouted that was very possible and certain that every single one of them would come true eventually.

 

There was physical contact on their back.

“I-I’m Sorry!!”

 

The contact left, followed by a small yelp.

“R-Rantaro! It’s just me...it’s okay…” Shuichi’s voice remained hushed and almost to a whimper. He kneeled next to their trembling lover, extending one hand over to them.

 

They blinked at him.

“...Hug?”

They almost knocked down Shuichi from the swift embrace.

 

Their teary emerald eyes were wide, tears still falling and nails now gripping on Shuichi’s shirt. The detective wheezed for air and Rantaro released their grip.  
They wanted to keep hugging him, maybe with a lighter one. Rantaro had a strong feeling that if they kept hugging it would eventually be too tight for Shuichi even if they tried to loosen it.  
After all, Shuichi is never a fan of being touched. He said he loves it when Rantaro hugs him...although...

 

“I shouldn’t have done that…”

“You’re fine...I...I just couldn’t breathe for a moment...Rantaro, did you have a bad dream?”

 

They shook their head and rubbed their puffy eyes.

“I woke up with a heavy feeling in my throat and chest, but I don’t remember what my dream was...so I don’t think I had a nightmare. I went to the bathroom to try and see what was up, maybe shower...then...everything fell”

 

“What fell? Everything seems intact...Did you pick it back up?"

 

They shouldn't have said it that way.

“No, not in a literal sense. Realisation fell on me...and it fell hard. I-I was shaking so bad...I-I fell...and all of these thoughts came out of nowhere. I-I’m sorry you have to see me like this...I-I’m so sorry…”

 

“There’s no need to apologise, Rantaro. This is a lot for you to handle and I will try to help you, the same with your friends and family”

 

“No, I cannot have that. Everyone is going through so much already, I’m only going to make matters worse for everyone…”

 

“No, you won’t!”

 

“Yes, I will! I have to do this alone!”

 

“Rantaro! Don’t say that! You’ll only make yourself feel worse and you know that!”

 

“But—“

They coughed harshly.

 

“Rantaro Amami. I understand that you don’t want anyone to help you. I know you don’t like that so many people have been around to try and help. You told me that you never liked it when others help you...it makes you feel bad. I will have you know that we do this because we love you. There’s no bother or annoyance, it’s all out of love. I love you, we all love you, and we want you and your family to get better soon”

 

“...” Rantaro blinked slowly, unable to say a word.

Breathing needs to slow down before they could speak again. The shaking decreased, but the invisible weight grew worse.

 

“You already have to deal with your family”

“Fuck most of them. Your recovery is my priority. If they want to be like that, so be it.”

 

It still weird to hear him swear like that so easily. It's rare, only when he is very upset about something.

“....Shuichi?” they wheezed

“Yes?”

“Will it ever get better? Any of this? Moments like this? Or...will everything fall apart?”

 

Shuichi hesitated, dull amber eyes uncertain.

They shouldn’t have asked that. Rantaro felt guilt well in their already heavy chest from such a stupid question. It was more of a rhetorical question to themselves than anything.

 

“I cannot predict the future. Bad shit is going to happen to us no matter what, whether big or small. However, there are good things that will happen too. There’s one thing I can tell you that is going to happen, I will be here with you”

 

Shuichi held on to their hand.

 

“I’m not going anywhere, love”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might write myself a part in the series where everything is so fluffy and cute that your teeth will rot because I need to treat myself and anyone else you need some fluff with these dorks. It will be SO FLUFFY mark my words
> 
> Or smut, lmao


End file.
